I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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