New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
