So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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