I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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