idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
