I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
