this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His nipple licking is glorious
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