this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
