so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
