Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
