oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
