I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
