If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
