there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
