I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
