i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
