my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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