I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
