dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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