i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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