The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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