I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
