I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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