it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
