I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
