He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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