Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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