I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
