Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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