shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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