Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize