Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
