my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
