OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize