I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
