You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
