Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
