Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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