who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
