did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
