ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
