Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
