it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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