I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
