alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
