you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
