oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
