So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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