So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
