my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
In the future we'll all be gay
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His hands were made for my vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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