you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
