I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
