U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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