I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
