Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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