I wish I could teleport
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
