THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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