I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
