Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
