I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
