So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
