So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
