I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
