my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
